Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
