But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
