I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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