DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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