It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
