who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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