hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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