dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
