who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
