Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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