It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
