ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
