i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
