I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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