apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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