I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
