i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
