Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
