I CAN MOONWALK!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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