I'm drive I can fine osifer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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