But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
