Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
