youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
