fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i believe in u and ur pee
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