allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
