Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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