Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
