Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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