If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
