WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So many bounce houses so little time
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
