i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
