I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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