we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
