It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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