Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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