you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
