just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
