Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
