I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
