Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
