Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
