can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
