It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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