i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
