i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
