The beer is more important than you right now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
