he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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