My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
