im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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