oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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