Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
