Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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