I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
