just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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