id be glad to
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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