sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
