I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
