All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
