Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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