i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
